Give it a listen

“Listening is as important as being heard” 

Imagine, you go to your friend and tell them that you had an argument at home and you explain how it happened and what you felt and then you see them… scrolling on their phone throughout, not paying attention to what you are saying and passing a ‘hmm’ here and there and barely looking at you while you speak and then they just leave the conversation saying, ‘let it go’. And then, you go to another friend and they welcome you with a smile and then you both sit comfortably and they ask you, ‘is there something you want to share, you seem different’ and then you go ahead sharing with them all the things you told your friend previously. You see them nodding, keeping eye contact, keeping a neutral face, asking you if they heard you properly by repeating everything briefly, assuring you that whatever you shared will not be shared around like gossip and also making you understand that your feelings are valid. Which friend would you prefer to talk to?

In REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy), certain skills are considered to be helpful for the therapist to improve their therapeutic relationship which might also help for better communication in daily lives of individuals. According to the book; A Practitioner's Guide for REBT by Raymond A. Digiuseppe, Kristene A. Doyle, Windy Dryden, Wouter Backx; there are certain characteristics, described below by Rogers (1951) and Carkhuff (1969):

Empathy 

The ability to understand what the other person might be going through and trying to imagine yourselves in their situation. For instance, trying to understand that their problem might be making them feel certain emotions even if it does not seem like a problem for you.

Genuineness

We could try to be genuine and not be fake about pretending to listen to them and be more present while listening to what the other person is trying to speak, rather than putting up a false front.

Self Disclosure

If you feel you might have gone through something similar you can try to mention your incident so that the other person may feel they were not the only one going through something in their life. And also keeping in mind to not go around sharing other people’s personal information with them and not doing the same for them. 

Warmth

Sometimes you can try to smile while they are saying something which they smile about and also show affection (based on the closeness of your relationship and comfort) and mentioning statements like ‘I understand’ or ‘I can’t imagine how difficult it might have been for you’.

Active Listening

You can show that you are listening by paying more attention and maintaining occasional eye contact while the other person speaks and nodding as and when it feels appropriate. You can also try to repeat occasionally what they said to better understand and see if you heard it well. 

You see, listening is not the only thing which we require for better communication skills but we do require other things as well. And you can for sure develop it in your personal lives. This might be helpful if applied in an appropriate way in certain occasions and also be useful in day-to-day conversations. It should be kept in mind that these may or may not always help but with regular practice, you may seem to understand it better and use it effectively. 

NOTE - The above points are my perspective and it has been helpful in my personal life, it may or may not work out for you.