I am not over reacting

 "When you are reacting, they are in control. When you respond, you are."

 

“I just yelled at my family because I disagreed with what they were saying to me. I am so frustrated and they don’t even listen.” Seems like a familiar sentence, doesn't it? Let’s just break it and understand. ‘I yelled’ i.e. a reaction; ‘because I disagree’ i.e. an opinion; ‘frustrated’ i.e. an emotional response; and ‘they don't listen’ is a thought. Here, we can understand that due to improper communication of a thought the emotional response leads to an unhelpful reaction in the situation. Many times this happens to the best of us. We get angry and we end up reacting in the situation; the reason could be anything - pent up frustration, feeling exhausted, irritability and so on. But what to do exactly if the reaction is not helpful? Well, it's easy. You learn to respond instead of react.  

A reaction is often instinctive, emotional, and impulsive. It can be influenced by past experiences or fears. A response is a thoughtful and deliberate action. It involves considering the situation, weighing the options, and making a conscious decision. Now, we will see how we can get better at responding:

Pause and reflect: Pause before responding, and take more time if you need to.

Be aware: Notice what causes you stress, and recognize what triggers strong emotions. 

Practice mindfulness: Consider the 360° view and be aware of unpleasant thoughts and emotions. 

Manage emotions: Balance emotions with facts, and use your breath to regain control. 

Consider consequences: Consider the best approach to handle things. 

Ask questions: Ask a clarifying question if you're not clear about the question. 

Acknowledge emotions: Acknowledge the other person's emotions. 

Our brain is wired in a certain way due to the practice and habits it has been engaged in for years, so it takes time to learn and unlearn new things. But we can always try on a day to day basis and get into healthy emotional habits. It requires patience and practice. And if you want to see how much you are improving, you can have a journal to jot things down. You can write about the situation, how you reacted, how you felt and you could’ve handled it better.  It will also help to understand more about where the reaction might be coming from and give more clarity about the reaction. And when a similar situation comes up later, you can try to follow a healthier way of communicating i.e. responding.